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salsa
09-14-2006, 02:49 PM
A chameleon with a bag of bagels,
I lived in my car for a few months.
Thought it was kinda funny...since
it was just me...no women, no kids.
Was just happy I had a car to live in.
My son was stowed away, safe in a
big suburban home...watching me.

Car Camping - some things you need
to know. Never fall asleep with the
car radio on. It doesn’t matter if they
are having a Pink Floyd box set retro
special…turn off the radio. Use your
Sony Walkman. Descend on the parking
lot of one of the grocery stores in your
local about 1 a.m. That’s your point of
entry, your dock. You can get some
good peaceful rest till the "normies"
start showing up for their morning
breakfast/coffee run to the store deli.

Need a shower? I bet you do. Sneak
into an exercise club, that’s best. Or
just say you wanna look around, you
know? Adapt to your local environment.
Like a chameleon with a bag of bagels.
Move around, hit a few different ways.
You'll never be noticed. Not that
you were before. And when you get
a pretty lady's phone number, do that
thing with thumb and little finger, and
say “call me“. You got to keep your
cell phone active. First, child support,
second gas, third cell phone, fourth -
lets skip fourth. Move around, never be
noticed. Not that you were before.



~s

whiteclouder
09-21-2006, 07:25 AM
So sad, on so many levels.

Thanks.

Cloud..

basca
09-22-2006, 06:09 AM
That was sad to read, but all too real for many. :sad

salsa
09-25-2006, 07:18 PM
thanks for the read - sad maybe

but also lots of hope in it under the mats


I see alot of happy in it too

CooCooTheLooseScrew
10-02-2006, 10:16 PM
I ain't feelin this....

i mean...the positive is certain means to certain needs when in the said circumstance....

the rest is some bullshit......don't find it funny....

1.child support....you think child support is monotary? you accept the definition of child support as what the judge said?? Some amount of money??? that's what you call child support and accept as it's definition??

2. gas? so you can stay car campin? and warm with a radio in your car...and can move about in your car??

3. Cell phone?? so you can call a new women....for what....??? to get somethin from her??? manipulate your situation by vampin her??? what's the reason??? talkin about keepin your celll on so you can can call a honey??? when you live'n in your car???

you think this is all good advice...good guidence?

it's bullshit in my opinion....and what i took from this piece is.... that it's a deterent and a rut in the way of thee, or the train of thought that would actually make real positive change to the person in the situation. And also a good look at the reality of what you call your priorities...at that juncture...and maybe still....and how upside down they are...twisted...and in complete denial of the fact...that you know, accept, and know the difference. But won't face it...

and then to say your seed is watch'n you.... watch'n you man.... and you act'n like it's ok.... cuz he's safe and in the suburbs....
man....he was watch'n you?

do you get that? understand I'm say'n...you allowed that...accepted that...and showed him that....as his father.... made that decision...or those decisions....that led him...to see that... as his father

you think that all those moves during that time made you a chameleon?
A chameleon changes it's colors to look as if it is part of where it is...when threatend or to decrease it's odds of bein seen by it's adversary, it's predetor, or...what it actually hunting it... to kill it...
All you did was become a chameleon so you couldn't see yourself...don't think for a moment you were not seen....that's a laugh...and you became what you think a chameleon is....not because you were the hunted by any other adversary or predetor...not for survival...by no means.... but out of pride...lack of courage...and most importantly the fear of seeing yourself, your decisions, taking responsibility for them...and resolveing, or solveing the mistakes you made....

i'm not saying you have not done those things since this piece was penned...
or would pretend to know


it is my opinion after 3 reads.... and how I took in, absorbed, and felt about this piece, and what it said ....to me....and it's just my opinion....no more, no less...

basca
10-03-2006, 06:42 AM
It reminded me of my nephews dad and quite frankly when I think of him it makes me sad.

salsa
10-03-2006, 11:00 AM
WoW CoCo - thats quite a critique - thanks for the read!

The poem isnt even about me or any real person - I was actually inspired to write a poem about living in your car after hearing a very successful man on wall street who confided to his listeners one day how he had been living in his car many years ago. His name is Jim Cramer and now he has a show on CNBC perhaps youve heard of him. From just that inital inspiration and alot of imigination and observation on city streets while living in New York one summer I worked up this completely fictional tale.

Its a complete work of fiction - the main character does indead have flaws...he also has some good qualities at least I think he does. I know its easy to assume that when a poet writes first person he or she is speaking about their own life...I've done it myself...and you seem to do that in your critique - but thats not always the case with poetry and with poets...in fact I have dozens of poems I write like this: from a first person view of a Baroque Princess trapped in her dungeon to a Modern Day "reverse shoplifter" to a a first person view out of the eyes of man who orders a star from a magazine and is disapointed when all he gets is a piece of paper.

Just because a poet writes a first person account of giving birth to a child doesnt mean they have or even that their female for that matter.

Just because a poet writes a first person view about being in war doesnt mean he/she ever has.

etc....

~

Oh heres another you might like
(Oh and I've never done this either)

Reverse Shoplifting

Looked back at the aisle
Marked Rock and R&B
Smiling cause I knew
The guy on that CD

Minutes before
I had placed it there
Carved out of a tree
Pulled out of the air

Its got a real barcode
And sounds really good
Its not in their computer
But its outta my hood

Reverse Shoplifting
Why not give it a try

I wonder what they'll do
When someone tries to buy
The strange new CD
Left there by a spy

CooCooTheLooseScrew
10-05-2006, 01:11 AM
I absolutely took it in as if you are the person in that situation.

I know that there are people who have exhisted or are now in that situation.

That's how the poem spoke to me.

I had no reason to not think it was a fictional account.

knowing and seeing that state of being , live'n in your car, happens.

Coupled with the fact that. it is written in first person....that's what took me to how the poem spoke to me.... and exaclty how I reacted to it.

salsa
10-05-2006, 05:43 AM
I absolutely took it in as if you are the person in that situation.

Well then I have done my job as a writer...I take that as a high compliment.

Again, thanks for the reads CoCo!

:kiss

CooCooTheLooseScrew
10-05-2006, 06:46 PM
It was my pleasure.