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salsa
11-09-2006, 06:12 PM
just when things are going good
my minions come to call
just a simple voice
to rise above
it all

you know that it will never work
things always fall apart
your heart is a painter
always looking
for the art

tell me of the past my friend
how many times before
has a lovely start
fallen so apart
at the door

just when things are going good
my minions come to call
just a simple voice
to rise above
it all

Bard
11-09-2006, 06:30 PM
I would consider reworking the third stanza.

I was drawn to the story, I knew so well.
I warmed up to the real in this piece.



P.S. night minions can be run off and rendered silent.

Know that my friend!

And know it deep!

Bard
11-09-2006, 06:33 PM
I would consider reworking the third stanza.

Then again, after reread, maybe not.

salsa
11-09-2006, 06:56 PM
thanks for the reads bard - I agree it is close but need work

I do think it needs just a word nudge here or there...the idea is very sound
just close enough to make you go damn

I'll probably end up tweaking this one for the rest of my life

thnx mate

:tiphat