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Dreamy5
02-05-2007, 07:45 PM
In a few weeks, my husband and I will be renewing our wedding vows. I am trying to write a poem for the occasion. I generally don't care if my "work" is any good, but this one I care about. It's not finished, obviously. Any suggestions (criticism!) would be most welcome.

Untitled

Love is not easy everyone knows.
But over time, if nurtured, love grows.
I loved you the day I met you, I think.
I looked in your eyes, unable to blink.

I feared it was obvious to all on that day
I peered in your soul, could not look away.
You were hesitant to trust that I cared for you
But it was just months later, we said I do.

Marriage is hard, it takes constant work.
Around every corner, threats to love lurk.
Lovers must watch and always take heed
And try to provide what the other does need.

My commitment to you is strong and its sound.
Because the love I give you is very profound.
When anything happens, be it good or it bad
I turn to you, whether happy or sad.

Our marriage has taken us to places that we
Never thought wed go, or would even see.
Over the years weve shared and weve grown
And weve faced threats previously unknown.

Always we stood and worked as a team,
Perhaps because we shared the same dream.
The children and us, a family we make
The love that we share nothing can shake.

Commitment, trust, and loyalty too
These are the things that will see us through.
Good times and bad, we will see both
So to you once again, I plight my troth.

ravenblanc
02-05-2007, 08:09 PM
It's quite lovely.If it were me I would read it out loud/possibly record it and play back a few times.I can hear the words that work and those that don't much easier that way.

And I think the renewing vows is a lovely idea as well. :flowers

Dreamy5
02-05-2007, 08:10 PM
Reading out loud I have done but recording it is a great idea. I know some of the meter is off.

Thanks!

instanthuman
02-05-2007, 08:30 PM
Maybe hearing someone reading it to you would be helpful (Hi there! :flowers )

Dreamy5
02-05-2007, 08:31 PM
Hmm, like you IH? Or maybe I should practice reading it to you before we do the vows?

ravenblanc
02-05-2007, 08:35 PM
Awww, thats so sweet. Sounds like wonderful idea too. Meter is important but the feeling's even moreso,IMO.

Carry on. :D

Dreamy5
02-05-2007, 08:37 PM
Well, there's a problem with that plan. If I do, he'll start singing Unchained Melody and no work will get done!

ravenblanc
02-05-2007, 08:39 PM
Love that song. No wonder you are renewing.

Work???? You gotta be kidding. :D

Dreamy5
02-05-2007, 08:41 PM
That's true; writing this poem is not work. Now all this mushy stuff is making me ill. Let's talk about something involving testosterone...like racing cars or something.

ravenblanc
02-05-2007, 08:42 PM
Vrooooooooooooom!

Dreamy5
02-05-2007, 08:54 PM
Fastest I ever got a car to do was a lousy 115. Sigh.

ravenblanc
02-05-2007, 09:29 PM
Well one can get a very long way off topic even at that speed. :D

Rumour has it that Instanthuman has a very fine instrument............lucky this isn't the word association thread. :rofl

Dreamy5
02-05-2007, 10:03 PM
Ah, indeed. A Jimmy Vaughn Strat in 2 tone sunburst. That was the instrument to which you refer?

ravenblanc
02-05-2007, 11:12 PM
Yes,indeed.I enjoy instruments.I have three,but they do not sound as fine as a Jimmy Vaughn Strat in 2 tone sunburst.