View Full Version : Outsourcing the Presidency

09-22-2005, 06:09 PM
Outsourcing has become a major source of cost savings for U.S. corporations.
The trend is growing, as more American jobs are sent overseas.

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of August
31st. The move is being made to save not only a significant portion of
the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a record $521
billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.). Reynolds,
with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has studied
outsourcing of American jobs extensively.

"We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the
current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming
the office of President as of September 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the
United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara
Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a
salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when
few offices of the US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express
call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited
about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should
not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will
enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using this
tree, he can address common concerns without having to understand the
underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the Spokesperson. "Mr. Bush
has used them successfully for years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his unemployment
benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience. One possibility is
re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should he choose this option,
he would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's
terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details
of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

Don't know who to credit with this, I received it in an email. :laugh

09-22-2005, 08:24 PM
:lolup :lolup

that almost sounds feasible. why don't we give it a try? can't get any worse. :)

09-22-2005, 08:26 PM
I think I know that guy!